Goals, values and the pursuit of happiness

From an early age we are taught to achieve our goals as a way to find happiness. Do well at school, get a good job, find a partner, get married, have a family, buy a comfortable house, a nice car and so on.

While setting and working towards our goals can bring a lot of positives, like keeping us focussed and motivated (giving us a sense of pride when we achieve what we set out to do), it also means that we often associate happiness with the pursuit of achievement.

Happiness or goals and achievement?

Think about it for a minute… Have you ever thought to yourself, “I’d be happy if I could just get that promotion or if I could just find the right partner or if I could just lose 10 pounds?” Did you do it? How did you feel? Did it bring you lasting happiness? 

“When we become too goal-driven, we can become preoccupied with the future.”

You may well feel happier if you achieve those things, but that happiness is likely to be short-lived if it’s not directly connected to our values. In fact, it’s only a matter of time before we set our sights on the next goal, and then the next, in search of a lasting sense of fulfilment. 

And what if you don’t achieve your goal? Or you achieve it but then something goes wrong? Does that mean you can’t be happy or don’t deserve to be happy because you failed? 

When we become too goal-driven as a means to finding happiness, we can experience a reverse effect and keep our mind preoccupied with the future. We can then become too focussed on what we haven’t got, rather than appreciating what we do have right now in this very moment; the only place that true fulfilment ever exists.

Why values matter

What can you do if you find yourself on the hamster wheel, chasing happiness? One way is by tuning into our values. 

“Values signify what we want to stand for in life.”

There is a big difference between goals and values. Goals are identifiable targets that we can check off our “to do list”. Once it’s done, that’s it, goal achieved. On the other hand, values indicate what's really important to us, our heart’s deepest desires, and signifies what we want to stand for in life. 

Your values might include things like being caring and compassionate towards others and being creative and having meaningful work. Although our values may develop and change over time, they can’t be crossed off a list once they’re complete. They can’t go wrong and they can’t be taken away from you. They’re like an internal compass that guides you through life. 

Once you’ve got a clear sense of your own values, try using them to transform your life and the way you see happiness. The truth is happiness comes and goes… it depends on situations and events outside of ourselves when we perceive them as positive; but inner peace and fulfilment do not. 

Focussing on your values brings your attention onto the process of what you are doing, rather than getting fixated on the outcome. Ironically, if you detach yourself from the outcome and throw yourself into living your values in the process, you often find that the desired outcome is more likely to happen. And even if you don’t achieve what you set out to do, the disappointment will be easier to bear knowing that you were true to yourself on the journey.