What can the NFL’s first gay player teach us?
Carl Nassib. Credit: BBC
Since its foundation in 1920 (then as the American Professional Football Association), the National Football League (NFL) has seen 26,480 players suit up for over 80 different franchises.
In that glorious history, how many active players have come out as gay?
One. Just one.
In the last week, 28-year-old Carl Nassib, who plays defensive end for the Las Vegas Raiders, has become the first. Making the announcement via a video posted on his Instagram page, he says, “I’ve been meaning to do this for a while now, but I finally feel comfortable enough to get it off my chest.”
It was a courageous thing to do, and Nassib has rightly been praised by the NFL community and more broadly. The NFL commissioner Roger Goodell commented, “The NFL family is proud of Carl for courageously sharing his truth,” while even US President Joe Biden commended the statement in a tweet that said “I’m so proud of your courage. Because of you, countless kids around the world are seeing themselves in a new light today.”
To Carl Nassib and Kumi Yokoyama – two prominent, inspiring athletes who came out this week: I’m so proud of your courage. Because of you, countless kids around the world are seeing themselves in a new light today.
— President Biden (@POTUS) June 23, 2021
But it begs the question: is American Football woefully behind the times? That no openly gay player has played a regular-season NFL game in the 100-year history of the league is a staggering statistic.
Yet, in listening to Nassib’s video, it is not the courage of his words that piques the interest, rather what follows his coming out statement. He goes onto say, "I actually hope that one day videos like this and the whole coming out process are just not necessary.” Goodall adds, "We share his hope that someday soon statements like his will no longer be newsworthy as we march toward full equality for the LGBTQ+ community."
Therein lies the problem. It’s not ‘news’ that Nassib is gay, rather it’s news that he’s coming out because he’s the first to do so in one of the least LGBTQ+ inclusive environments in the world. At over 2m tall, weighing in at around 125kg and playing one of the toughest roles on the field, in which it’s his job to charge through people to try and tackle the opposing Quarterback, Nassib is your archetypal man. Even in 2021, the assumption is that someone of his stature is heterosexual.
And that perception has been practically drilled into us throughout those 100 years through icons of the sport like Tom Brady, the NFL’s most decorated player. With a record seven championship victories and five Super Bowl MVPs, Brady is arguably the greatest American Football player – even the greatest American sportsman (alongside the likes of Michael Jordan, Babe Ruth and Wayne Gretzky) – of all time. And, while no fault of his own, with a seemingly perfect marriage to Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bündchen, he is hardly the poster boy for inclusivity within the sport.
Tom Brady. Credit: Brook Ward
The ‘alpha male’ barrier
It’s this ‘alpha male’ stereotype that causes sport to lag behind its cultural counterparts, with players still worrying about judgement by their macho surroundings. Nassib’s comment, “I finally feel comfortable enough to get it off my chest,” is particularly poignant and alongside his video, he admits, “Sadly, I have agonized over this moment for the last 15 years.”
Despite this decade and a half of agony, Nassib counts himself as, “thankful to have had so much support when many who came before – and many even now – do not.”
Gareth Thomas came eleven years before him. In 2009, the Welsh rugby legend came out as gay in a statement that shocked many. He was married and was an iconic player in the macho world of rugby, having become the first Welshman to win 100 caps for his country. He confessed to being suicidal at times, whilst trying to hide his sexuality from his wife, teammates and fans. He has talked about the results of suppressing his feelings, and the “tears, anger and absolute despair”.
And agony, like Nassib. In fact, the full range of emotions is something anyone would understandably go through before coming out, whilst having a life-changing problem and seemingly not having the help to work through it. Fear that your secret might get out, anxiety that you may be ‘found out’ and suffer from abuse, anger at society for being so judgmental still, depression because these thoughts and feelings can make a person feel alone, trapped and hopeless…the list goes on. And dealing with these negative thoughts can be emotionally damaging to a person, leading to maladaptive behaviours and long-term distress.
Suppression of feelings can rewire our brain and cause depression.
The psychology of suppression
Suppression is often a temporary solution. This is an active, conscious process of keeping something out of awareness, pushing it away, not thinking about it and trying to do and be something else. But keeping these feelings bottled up represents an internal argument that prevents you from being who you want to be and loving who you want to love. Some people turn to numbing strategies, such as alcohol, food and sex, but even more concerning is how suppression can even rewire our brains. Over time, denying ourselves true internal feelings and the happiness that can bring, will in turn negatively impact the production of serotonin and oxytocin (the neurotransmitter and hormone that regulate our mood and play a role in social bonding), leading to feelings of lonelinesss, sadness and meaninglessness, which can prompt thoughts of suicide.
So, Carl Nassib’s coming out shouldn’t be ‘news’. It should be seen as a message of strength and an example of openness to many. Speaking up, sharing our emotions and talking through our dilemmas has never been more important, especially for those struggling on their own, and even for the manliest of men.